An open apology

Dear everyone I know:

So I feel like I owe you a better explanation than most because you’re awesome & supportive & we’ve known each other too long for bullshit.

Straight up: I’m sorry Ive been a crap friend lately. Basically everything is a trigger right now. Movies. Leaving the house. Car trips. Texts. Most of the internet. Friends. Plans. Lack of plans. Silence. Noise.

I’m a big raw nerve. I get freaked out talking to people. I dread being asked how I am. I’m bitchy. I’m unreliable. Unpredictable. Most days it’s a struggle to eat/sleep/function. A lot of panic attacks are hidden by hanging up a phone or leaving a room. A friend showed up unannounced yesterday & all I could do was cry in the garage. Because I was afraid because someone I like acted like they cared. It’s nonsense.

Depression is an asshole. Anxiety is a motherfucker. I just didn’t want you to think it’s you. It’s me. I’m a mess.

I’m not proud of it. I’m not happy about it. But apparently it’s where I am. I’m working on it.

I hope you understand. I hope you are not offended. I love you. I’m sorry I am not myself right now.

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