The Zen of Fear

Tomorrow I’m beginning another part of my health overhaul. I begin individual therapy to address anxiety, phobias, & past abuse/trauma.

It’s not something I talk about. To be totally honest I’m not even certain I know the extent. My husband doesn’t know much of it other than there was damage done & lots of it.

Frankly, I’m terrified. Terror aside, though, I can’t afford to *not* go work on sorting this out. It’s connected to too much. I’ve been through PTSD before (triggered by abuse) & am again facing aspects of it related to my husband’s health. The problem with PTSD is that it doesn’t just affect the bits of your life related to what triggered it. It doesn’t care what the differences are. I’m worried, though, that by opening up my box of damage & discussing things, it will trigger more PTSD symptoms. And more big emotions. And more stress, which will add to muscle tension, which will add to more pain, which may trigger more/worse fibromyalgia flares. And lastly, anger, the emotion I handle least well.

I’m going to do it anyway, but standing on the precipice as I am now is terrifying.


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